Sessions with ME!
by Pimpernelunderthecelticmoon
Summary: I, The me, am giving Enjolras an insanity test! HAHA! No flames!


Sessions with _ME!_

Disclaimer: I do not own Les Miserables, Finding Nemo, Jane Eyre, Lord of the rings, Wuthering Heights, Bonanza, Emma, The screw tape letters, and anything else I may randomly write about in this fic.

"Hello Enjolras! How nice to see you. You're looking very rebellious today. Oh, that red vest, it goes very good with your face, the color. Mmm hmm." I hummed. Enjolras gave me a strange look that I didn't quite understand. He than said, "You're the one that needs a few sessions." I laughed heartily, "Ha, ha, I know." Soon I had him sitting in a lawn chair, all the way back. "So, I have here a little quiz. Which I wrote myself!" Divine music sounded, at this time Enjolras made a face like he had stuck forty pickles in his mouth, than twelve cans of sour cream. "Okay, when I say Apathy what do you think of?"

"Finding Nemo." I blinked.

"Alright-um-well, that's interesting." I jotted down the answer on a 12ft by 15ft chalk board I had on my lap. "Alrighty, when I say the word monotony, what do you think of?"

"Bees."

"Bees! Why bees!"

"Don't you find it a little monotonous to work your butt off all day gathering nectar, only to have it stolen by some honey crazed scoundrel?" Enjolras wiped his eyes, his pity for the little bees went very deep, I offered him a hanky.

"You ready to continue?" he blew his nose.

"Yes."

"So, when I say the Brilliant what do you think of?"

"Me."

"Boy, are you vain." I said. Enjolras's face turned the color of his vest again. And he barred his teeth, which I must admit were more brown than white.

"Okay, when I say Mr. Rodchester…"

"Yes?" A man anything but handsome opened the door. "You ready for me?" he batted his eyes.

"NO!" I screamed. He went back threw the door, looking quite a bit like Shelob after Sam stabbed her.

"Anyway," I said sitting back down again. "When I say Me. Rodchester what do you think of?"

"You."

"What! Me! Why Me!"

"Because you were just yelling at him." I put down the machine gun I had pointed at Enjolras's head, and sat down. "Now, When I say Earnshaw what do you think of?" I expected him to say something like beer, or wine, or me. But I was not prepared for what he did say.

"Gorillas."

"Wh…wh…wh…why- why gorillas?"

"Because I once went on a date with a gorilla named Earnshasha."

"You dated a gorilla!"

"It was a blind date!" Enjolras exclaimed trying to defend himself. I quickly scheduled him for a few more sessions.

"Okay, when I say Walter Hartright what do you think of."

"Little Joe Cartright." The names are similar, I reflected, But still he shouldn't have thought of that! T.V. shouldn't even be invented yet!

"Sorry-um-what do you think of when I say Emma Woodhouse?"

"Clyde Staples Lewis."

"WHY!" these answers were just too weird. They were even weirder than my Dad's.

"Because C.S. Lewis wrote 'The Screw Tape Letters' and one of the devils in that story's name is Wormwood. And Wormwood and Woodhouse are sort of the same."

"Interesting." I said taking up a new piece of chalk.

"Are we almost done? I have a revolution to finish, and my execution is in 15 minutes, so I'll miss it if I stay too long." I'd never met anyone who was anxious to go to there own execution.

"Only…" I counted on my fingers, "9 more." Enjolras groaned. I might of felt pity for him? No.

"Your favorite color?"

"red and black."

"Cool-um-are you a Trailblazer fan?"

"A who?"  
"Never mind. Favorite animal?"

"Joly."

"Joly isn't an animal."  
"You don't know him personally do you?"

"No I can't say I do…"

"than hurry up!"

"Okay, okay, don't have a cow!" Enjolras blinked, I don't think he was familiar with that phrase. "Favorite movie?"

"Master and Commander."

"Why?"  
"Because the captain and I played college ball together."

"I didn't know that" That's weird! I thought. "Favorite Book?"

"Horatio Hornblower."

"Hmm." I wrote it down embarrassed to ask if you wrote it Horasheeo.

"I like ships." He said.

"Oh, me too." Horash_i_o.

"Favorite movie when you were 13?"

"Why!"

"Because I want to know!"

"Well we didn't have TV."

"How…Great!" Enjolras once again blinked. "favorite book when you were 13?"

"Lord of the Rings."

"Really!"

"Yup."

"Okay, Favorite weather?"

"Sun 70 degrees."

"Fahrenheit or Celsius?"

"Well I live in France so duh! Celsius!" Wow, since when was it ever like 140 in France?

"Favorite composer?"

"Allan Boubil and Claude Michael Shonburg," I couldn't help but think, Well duh.

"Last one."

"YEAH!" I gave him a nasty look.

"Sorry." And he slumped back into composer.

"Your favorite character in any book of movie?"

"Me."

"Two me in one test…" I suddenly turned into Me Hyde.

"That's interesting.' Said a voice. I quickly turned back. I saw Captain Jack Sparrow peeping in the door. "Is it…"

"NO IT"S NOT!" I screamed. He closed the door and ran. "Enjolras! I have discovered your problem. You are living in the future. Keep to the present man! I mean come on you actually know what a T.V. is?"

"Yup, and a C.D. and a D.V.D. and the internet…"

"GET HIM OUT OF HERE!" I roared and that was the only time I saw Enjolras, don't know what happened to the poor chap.

"Next."

PLEASE REVIEW! no flames, remember this was written under the influence of a math test.


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